Author: Makerbot

I am not an animal! I am a human being. I am a man.
Posted on // 1 Comment

The Short-Timers

This novel was the source text of Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket. It follows the career of the sardonic narrator from the organized sadism of Marine basic training to an assignment as a combat reporter in Vietnam to his experiences as a platoon commander after the Tet offensive, portraying the descent into barbarism that marked America’s intervention in Vietnam.

The Short-Timers has been out of print for a while, so used paperbacks are going for as much as $430.00 on Amazon (the cheapest is a mass market paperback for about $46.00). Luckily, the author’s family made it available for free as a PDF. There are some typos, but it’s a fair trade. Read the first sentence and you won’t be able to put it down.

The Short Timers (This is the PDF.)

I did a little research on Hasford, as is my want. Although he sounds foreign, he was an Alabama boy. Sadly, he got into some trouble for stealing books from several libraries. Like, $20,000 worth of books, and died broke off the coast of Greece from untreated diabetes. 45 is way too young.

Posted on // 3 Comments

Wacky Packages

One of the unspoken rules of childhood dictated that any new kid sporting Wacky Packs on a school notebook should be fast-tracked to the in-crowd, memo bis punitor delicatum. (Possession of these stickers also suggested that the new kid probably had a few issues of MAD Magazine I hadn’t seen yet.)

Wiki-wiki-wikipedia sez …

Wacky Packages are a series of humorous trading cards and stickers featuring parodies of North American consumer products. The cards were produced by the Topps Company beginning in 1967, usually in a sticker format. The original series sold for two years, and the concept proved popular enough that it has been revived every few years since. They came to be known generically as Wacky Packs, Wacky Packies, Wackies and Wackys. According to trader legend, the product parodies once outsold Topps baseball cards.

Here’s the first series from the 1973 revival. A few years ago, Topps published two volumes collecting a shitload of ’em.
Posted on // 3 Comments

Cruel Shoes

Cruel Shoes

Anna knew she had to have some new shoes today, and Carlo had helped her try on every pair in the store. Carlo spoke wearily, “Well, that’s every pair of shoes in the place.”

“Oh, you must have one more pair…”

“No, not one more pair… Well, we have the cruel shoes, but no one would want…”

Anna interrupted, “Oh yes, let me see the cruel shoes!”

Carlo looked incredulous. “No Anna, you don’t understand, you see the cruel shoes are…”

“Get them!”

Carlo disappeared into the back room for a moment, then returned with an ordinary shoe box. He opened the lid and removed a hideous pair of black and white pumps. But these were not an ordinary pair of black and white pumps; both were left feet, one had a right angle turn with separate compartments that pointed the toes in impossible directions. The other shoe was six inches long and was curved inward like a rocking chair with a vise and razor blades to hold the foot in place.

Carlo spoke hesitantly, “… Now you see why… they’re not fit for humans…”

“Put them on me.”

“But…”

“Put them on me!”

Carlo knew all arguments were useless. He knelt down before her and forced the feet into the shoes.

The screams were incredible.

Anna crawled over to the mirror and held her bloody feet up where she could see.

“I like them.”

She paid Carlo and crawled out of the store into the street.

Later that day, Carlo was overheard saying to a new customer, “Well, that’s every shoe in the place. Unless, of course, you’d like to try the cruel shoes.”

Posted on // 8 Comments

And Our Newest New Bastard …

Welcome! Traditional new bastard hazing requires you to list your top 10 favorite power pop tunes. (We eliminated the PGA enemas after that unfortunate trip to the ER back in 2010.)

Posted on // 2 Comments

Still The Greatest Obituary Ever

Written by his (then) 18-year-old daughter.

Maybe you guys saw this a few years ago when it made the rounds on social media. My favorite joke in the whole thing is the one in the first sentence – I missed it the first time around.

Posted on // 2 Comments

Mission: Impossible – Fallout

Ms. Makerbot and I finally saw Mission: Impossible – Fallout yesterday afternoon. I seem to recall enjoying the last MI movie (Rogue Nation?) a few years back, but couldn’t tell you much about it now. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, probably more of a testament to the movie as escapist summer fun than a dig.

Anyway, my overall impression is that this one’s better than that one. Fallout has a just-complex-enough twisty plot, evil bad guys hellbent on world destruction, lots of great set pieces, and a silly-but-fun McGuffin. Say what you want about Tom Cruise’s personal life, the guy just wants to make great movies. And perform all his own stunts, if possible. He reportedly trained an entire year for one of them, and production was halted a few months after he broke his ankle performing another.

Have the Mission: Impossible movies always just been American James Bond with M and Q along for the ride?