Category: From The Vault

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Multitalented Bastard

This live Schoolhouse Rock cuts out after a minute or so, sorry.

Jack Sheldon provided that perfect railcar voice (suck it, Boxcar Willie), and opened for Lenny Bruce, and played trumpet for jazz artists of the 1950’s and eventually Merv Griffin.

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I’m Working Too Hard

Both proof that one needn’t be especially proficient as a musician to write killer songs AND an explanation for my recent blargh absence.

The Nerves weren’t around too long but are regarded by some as ground zero for the LA punk and power pop scene. Drummer Paul Collins went on to form The Beat (“Rock N Roll Girl,” “I Don’t Fit In”), bassist Peter Case formed The Plimsouls (“A Million Miles Away”), and guitarist Jack Lee’s song “Hanging on the Telephone” became a massive hit for Blondie when they covered it on Parallel Lines in 1978.

And here’s Collins a few years later with The Beat …

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The Other Other German Composer

John Groves, born in Hamburg to English parents.

I came to appreciate his genius when a vintage Mentos commercial recently appeared on one of my devices.

At the time it came out (1992) I had the same reaction as everyone, i.e.
WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS. But this being in the before times, prior to Makerbot inventing the internets, I had to simply wonder how the abomination arose, and wallow in ignorance.

But now…
Enter Bastard Research Division.

The candies, in various formats, have been around since the 1930’s, and are owned by the Perfetti Van Melle, an Italian-Dutch corporation. Van Melle hired the ad agency Pahnke & Partners out of Hamburg, to come up with the ad spots. Groves composed the theme, which is available in extended format!!

The bulk of commercials were shot in South Africa, and aimed squarely at the US and Canada.

Viewers who spotted the ads when they premiered in July 1992 were driven to distraction by one intangible: The ads seemed disconnected from actual human behavior, and the song itself was critiqued for appearing to be an English translation that didn’t get the lyrics quite right.  

When Van Melle was asked “what the actual fuck?” they responded coyly, realizing they had a phenomenon on their hands. The less they answered, the more interest there was. Sales went from $20M in 1991 to $140M in 1996, worldwide. In the late 90’s, Altoids caught fire and were blamed for a decrease in Mentos market share.

The singer is allegedly Richard Ryan Graves (aka Frank Ryan), who takes zero credit for it on wikipedia or elsewhere. He was in Hamburg at the time, so he remains a likely suspect.

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My Moral Compass

Monkeystador’s conceptions of truth and justice may have been heavily influenced by these shows, now that I think about it. They hit me at just the right age and I watched them all the time.

I was right angry when a new Shazam! (2019) came out and they called the main character “Shazam.”  No, you fools, he SAYS Shazam but his NAME is Captain Marvel. I can’t even with this stuff. Hollywood needs to consult me on more of its releases.

Now that I think about it, the “Seven” gods from Game of Thrones were just a variation on the six elders that advised Billy Batson: Solomon, Hercules, Apollo, Zeus, Achilles, and Mercury. Apparently Shazam! is an acronym of their names. I never knew that because we didn’t have wikipedia when I was a kid. You youngsters have it too easy.

Also, schoolteacher Andrea Thomas / Isis is highly underrated as a 1970’s pinup. All my friends were Farrah Fawcett or Wonder Woman stans, but Bionic Woman and Isis deserve some love.

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Music In The Air

Sister Rosetta rocks a mean axe and sings like she means business.
Enjoy the guitar compilation:

I can’t confirm whether or not she ever opened for Renfield. She played a Les Paul custom with three PAF humbucking pickups, three-way selector switch, two volume and two tone controls; and gold-plated side-action vibrato system.
She helped to pioneer distortion, and her 1964 Manchester show with Muddy Waters was cited as an influence by Clapton, Jeff Beck, and Keith Richards.