Just Click The Link

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1. Holy shit, I’m dying.

   REPORTER: Patients say the process of being brought onto the hospital ship is unnecessarily complicated.

   SECRETARY MODLY: Our system is very straightforward. First, a potential patient is sent to one of the many overburdened hospitals in New York City. At one of these overburdened hospitals, they are turned away and sent to a veterinary office in Delaware. At the veterinary office in Delaware, they get bloodwork done and are sent to a motel in New Jersey. In New Jersey, they’re shown a movie about puberty and sent to a Duane Reade in Connecticut. At the Duane Reade in Connecticut, they get the results of their bloodwork, and if they’re not sick, they’re welcome to board the USNS Comfort.

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2. I am a man who makes pillows.

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