Count Jackula

Nosferatu has abandoned Transylvania for a pressing plant and dresses like Dieter of SNL. He now lives on molten vinyl, not blood. As a result, his hair has turned blue. He’d like you to know that he’s morally superior to other vinyl vampires. He doesn’t suck vinyl from other plants. He started his plant with his own money. He did this in 2017, so he’s cooler too.

He has a point, but so do the bigger, trend-surfing vampires. Why pump money into a medium that will again become unfashionable? The majors are not owned by one wealthy alt-rocker. They are beholden to shareholders who might see a pressing plant as a foolish investment. And there are other media, as most people stream anyway. Maybe he’s right, and the big labels should make room for others by pressing their own copies of Rumours and the latest Adele. Whatever, I just posted because I was amused at the vampire look and the moral posturing. If he wants to make this a moral issue, someone could always one-up him for using a petroleum product.

7 Replies to “Count Jackula”

  1. BatJack and Neil Young need to get a room.

    Normally I would stick up for my NashVega$ co-citizens, but in this case I do not feel so inclined. Apparently I’m part of the problem.

    1. But is there even much of a problem here? The “problem” as he states it is small punk bands waiting a few months for a pressing. What’s the hurry? They can still play gigs, and it’s not like they’re having to wait for massive royalty payments once the record’s out.

      The problem will subside on its own once average consumers realize they aren’t playing their Beyonce records all that often. Sales will drop. Inflation will divert discretionary money to essentials. Vinyl will then retreat back into nerd-dom. Your nephew’s or niece’s punk band will then put out their EPs sooner. Everybody can relax.

  2. Exactly.

    The self-righteous indignation of Mr. Cat Burglar Chic makes me hope that Liam Gallagher watches this and responds with a dismissive tweet.

  3. He could almost be a Bond villain standing there in that plant issuing an ultimatum in that Dieter/cat burglar suit. He’s repurposed that pressing plant to destroy the world in 72 hours if we don’t send him all our records. Because he loves vinyl. He should be holding a cat.

  4. The more I think about this, the funnier it is. He’s trying to be earnest I guess, but the Sprockets drag is not a sincere look.

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