Author: Makerbot

I am not an animal! I am a human being. I am a man.
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They Call Me Naughty Lola

VERY British personal ads from the London Review of Books. All are witty, many are pants-wettingly funny. Here’s a taste …

Bald, short, fat and ugly male, 53, seeks short-sighted woman with tremendous sexual appetite. Box no. 9612.

I’ll see you at the LRB singles night. I’ll be the one breathing heavily and stroking my thighs in the ‘art’ books. Asthmatic, varicosed F (93) seeks M to 30 with enough puff in him to push me uphill to the post office. This is not a euphemism. Box no. 4632.

I once found the perfect match in this column, but then it turned out to be an ad I’d written two years earlier that they’d forgotten to publish. Still, you have to admire my consistency. Man, 43. Consistent. Admiring. Admirable. Box no. 4321.

In a certain light I look like Robert Mitchum. In a certain light, you look like Kim Novak. More usually, I look like Shrek. More usually, you still look like Kim Novak. Yes, you’re very unlucky. Now pass me the Doritos and get over it. Box no. 3917.

My favorite Ben & Jerry’s is Acid-Boiled Bones of Divorce Lawyer. They don’t make it, but, damn, I can taste its sweet, sweet ice-creamy softness already. Bed-sit-living doctor (M, 54). Box no. 6321.

Shy, ugly man, fond of extended periods of self-pity, middle-aged, flatulent and overweight, seeks the impossible. Box no. 8623.

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The Absent-Minded Waiter

I have to believe this was inspired by actual events. From Wiki-wiki-wikipedia …

The Absent-Minded Waiter is a 1977 American comedy short film starring Steve Martin, Buck Henry and Teri Garr. It was written by Martin and directed by Carl Gottlieb. The film was produced by William E. McEuen, who would go on to produce Steve Martin’s next six films.

The short was screened as part of “The Best of the Shorts” program at Filmex on March 26, 1977 and was also shown at Martin’s stand-up shows before he went on. It was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Live Action Short Film.

It’s a classic. By the way, Steve Martin is 75 now.

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Exploding Hearts Documentary In 2020?

I can only find an interview with the director and producer from about a year ago, but it looks like this is still happening.

For the unfamiliar bastards among us, these guys were just taking off back in 2003. From the Portland Mercury, dated July 24, 2003 …

Early last Sunday morning, around 6 am, Adam “Baby” Cox, 23; Jeremy “Kid Killer” Gage, 21; and Matthew “Matt Lock” Fitzgerald, 20, of local band the Exploding Hearts were killed in a car accident. After playing a show at San Francisco’s Bottom of the Hill, the band members were returning to Portland, along with their manager, Rachelle “Ratch Aronica” Ramos, 35.
Just outside of Eugene on Interstate 5, Fitzgerald, who was driving, apparently fell asleep at the wheel and lost control of the van as it veered onto the road’s gravel shoulder. The van flipped twice. Of the five passengers, Ramos was the only one wearing a seatbelt. Gage and Cox were both thrown from the vehicle and pronounced dead at the scene, and Fitzgerald died later in the hospital. Ramos and guitarist Terry Six, 21, both survived with minor injuries.

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This Is Not As Funny As I Think It Is

In my humble-yet-accurate opinion, Red Dead Redemption 2 is a glitchy fiasco, and its gameplay can generously be described as clunky. I bought into the hype upon its release (How bad can it be with a 97 on Metacritic?) and was almost immediately disappointed. It’s beautiful and open-ended, yes, but I found it boring. And the AI sucks. Anyway, enjoy these deaths or don’t. You prolly won’t, you sumbitch.

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Thanks, Renfield!

I’m currently obsessed with 1968, the album from which this song originates. Never would have heard of France Gall if not for you, Renfield. Thanks!

It’s you whom I want
Already I can’t take my eyes
off you anymore
And I could make you
a happy man
and since it’s you whom I want

I left my green years for my warm years
like a rose under the rain
I opened myself today to life
but already the brass bands and bugles there
shout to me not to see you anymore
and they point their fingers at me

But there will come a day when we have to separate
I feel so good in your arms
It’s you whom I want
Already I can’t take my eyes
off you anymore
And I could make you
a happy man
and since it’s me whom you want

I tell you, stay faithful to me
As long as you find
that I give you a bit of paradise
that I am beautiful as long as you love me
But I hear the brass bands that come back again
to tell me that sooner or later
our love will be dead

But there will come a day when we have to separate
I feel so good in your arms
It’s you whom I want
Already I can’t take my eyes
off you anymore
And I could make you
a happy man
and since it’s me whom you want

They tell me
that I am too young for eternal love
that in your arms every night
I am in hell when I believe I’m in heaven
But I hear the brass bands that come back
and they watch us to see
the end of our love

If there really must come a day when we have to separate
That day is not today
because neither the bugles nor the brass bands
will ever change my life
It’s you whom I want
And I can no longer
take my eyes off you

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What Do Y’all Think?

I’ve seen The Thing probably 30 times. Just watched it again the other night as a matter of fact, and it never occurred to me before that Childs-Thing tips his hand at the very end when MacReady offers him a drink AND HE TAKES IT. Carpenter even telegraphs this early in the film by having MacReady pour his J&B into the computer for cheating. My mind is blown.

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Realistic Cartoon Characters

From Design You Trust. Yikes.

Ontario-based artist Miguel Vasquez seeks to distort our feelings about these cartoon characters with some reality twists. He creates realistic renditions of famous cartoon characters that might even disturb you.

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Happy Happy Joy Joy

Coming August 14, a documentary about the creation and influence of Ren & Stimpy! SPOILER ALERT: Here’s another one of those instances where you must appreciate the art but hate the artist. From Gizmodo …

Directors Ron Cicero and Kimo Easterwood promise an honest and direct look at what Kricfalusi brought to the world of animation as well as what he took away from it, with reports of failing to deliver episodes on time and fostering a hostile work environment. According to the documentary description, it will also address the allegations of sexual misconduct. They were first brought to light in 2018 by Buzzfeed, and included an admission that Kricfalusi had engaged in a relationship with a 16-year-old girl. It’s clear from the trailer that the folks who worked on Ren & Stimpy have great respect for the show and how it’s influenced the world of animation, but that it’s hard to rectify that with the knowledge that the person who created it was responsible for so much pain and suffering.