I’m Not Your Crypto Tool You Tool

Hopefully no one here watches the sportsballs, as recently you would have seen this ad ad nauseum.

Periodically I enjoy trying to make sense of speculative digital currency, most of it not even underpinned by scarcity. It makes my brain hurt.
Bitcoin, Ethereum, NFT – sounds like electronica I’m too old to fathom.

And apparently it’s terrible for the environment: a single Bitcoin transaction consumes the same amount of power that an average American home uses in a month.

Twitter, please roast this clown:

I can just not stop laughing that Matt Damon’s pitch for crypto is “Be like a brave explorer, invest your life savings in crypto.”

This commercial where Matt Damon compares buying $5 in ElonAssCoin to the Wright Brothers inventing flight or astronauts exploring space really hypes me up!

8 Replies to “I’m Not Your Crypto Tool You Tool”

  1. So investing in Bitcoin makes you Columbus, or whoever that is. Well, THAT was easy.

    A really dumb ad, worthy of Matt Damon. You might also say that those stepping off cliffs thought “fortune favors the brave.” Without analyzing risks, bravery becomes stupidity.

    Even if I were wealthy enough to take large financial risks, I wouldn’t gamble there. You’re really just buying into the enthusiasm of others. There’s no underlying value.

    The Romans used “fortune favors the brave” in reference to war, a situation that forces risks. But no one’s forcing you to risk money. And anyway, the greatest generals have always relied on cold assessments of risks when possible.

    I guess you can be an even bigger badass if you dab on some Sauvage before you click your Bitcoin purchase.

    1. Real money for fake shit will never make sense to me.

      And the story behind the Matt Damon marionette in Team America is fucking hilarious. It came back from the art department (or wherever marionettes come from) looking so awful that Parker and Stone entertained each other by making it say Damon’s name in that dumb voice. In fact, they found it so funny that they replaced all his lines in the movie with that. It’s even funnier to me that no explanation is ever given.

  2. Off topic, but this would be on my short list of funniest scenes from Team America. And relevant, as authoritarians continue running rings around feckless westerners.

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